So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
