Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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