I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
