i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
