What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
