he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
do nipples grow back?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
