We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
