I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
where are my eyebrows?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
