2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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