Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
