i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
