God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
