I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
