you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
