I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
