dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
