He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
