To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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