if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
