i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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