oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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