shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
