I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
