I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
