I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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