i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
