The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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