That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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