Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
