I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
