he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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