on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
