im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
