I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize