I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
being pregnant is like rehab
You made out with two different species that night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
