I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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