Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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