i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
