Where did you get a picture of my penis
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
