just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
