I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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