Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I AM VODKA MAN
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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