Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
