There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
