The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
