The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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