Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize