Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
