K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
