I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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