my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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