he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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