I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She bit a glass in half.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
