If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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