dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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