The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
