In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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