You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
