we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
