Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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