she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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