She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
