you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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