you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
