Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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