i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
