At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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