She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
