considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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