If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
