I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize