he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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