Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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