I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
