One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
