Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
