i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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