so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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