you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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