next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
