Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
