Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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