I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
